"The Mean Friend"

   I admit. I enjoy very much every time I have the chance to have different constructive conversations with extraordinary people because I feel a very strong sense of development and learning. I also feel a brain sparkle that it’s absolutely amazing. And even with that “mean friend” that is telling you right in your face everything that you don’t want to hear. You could find a better explanation of the “mean friend” in here.

   I also believe we are psychologically created to see easier first the negative and stay more focus on it, instead of the positive. Vanessa Van Edwards, Behavioral Investigator in the Science of People Lab explains this much better. I always had a question mark in my head why it’s easier to highlight a negative vibe when talking with someone, instead of being more supportive, for example. Or to tell a friend how proud we are for all his or her life achievements, instead of emphasizing the one thing that maybe he or she is doing wrong. Like a Dalmatian: we are more focused on the black dots instead on the white fur skin :))

   Now, let’s make a clear distinction between that “mean friend” that chooses to tell us something as a sort of wakeup call (if we have the power to hear it, acknowledge it and make a change, it’s up to us), and the kind of people that only see the negative no matter what, and moreover they say it in a very hurtfully way. You may say that both of the situations are uncomfortable, and they are, but in a totally different way. Now I see a clear distinction between them and it's like the difference between shame and guilt. Brene Brown gives a great example in her book in respect to that: < "Ellen! You’re a mess. Apparently, Ellen got a very serious look on her face and said, “I may be making a mess, but I’m not a mess.” > An outstanding example in order to assimilate what an impact words may have on our lives...

   That’s it for today, tomorrow it’s another day. But remember to cherish it and enjoy it, and not taking it for granted ;)

   Article written by “The mean Dalmatian friend” :D

Overthinking

     No matter what type of environment we have in mind if it’s business or personal, between family and friends, or colleagues and acquaintances, every time we overthink it will definitely be very destructive for us. It is said that, for example, if you wait too much, will come someone else who doesn’t expect the right moment. Because ultimately there is no right moment, every moment is right, but we just need to have the power to see and hear that and take action accordingly.

     The main idea of this article, about overthinking, and in certain cases how harmful it can be, it came into my mind after a recent business interaction in the entrepreneurial field. I know that it’s a very big difference between let’s say a global multinational company and a start-up. But lest we forget that every multinational company started also as a small company. Over there it was the same most important factor mainly a human being with his or her beliefs, fears, desires, and vision.

     That is why I believe that what truly made the difference is precisely the power of someone to take action accordingly and surpass these fears. Fears that I believe we all have, no matter if we call ourselves husband or wife, friend, national sales manager, CEO, cleaning lady, brother or sister, and so on and so forth. Because this stays in the human nature to be like this. And more often than not, in order to succeed, is not about the money, or having the proper technical resources, or about a business plan perfectly written. Yes, of course, these variables are important, but I am a strong believer of the fact that one needs a proper mix between them, and inter correlated with the power and courage to take action.

     I remember a dear friend telling me a story about the fact that everybody was asking him how did he manage to start his business from a financial point of view, and his answer was: “With the clients’ financial resources”. Pretty inspiring I would say. Coming back to the idea of overthinking, I also saw situations where because of those fears people were blocked in this state and practically miss important moments and opportunities, and not only in the business arena.

     And ultimately the question is: “What is truly important for me?” Not being hurt, not losing money, not having a successful life or career (whatever “success” may mean for every one of us), or the extraordinary and marvelous outcome through feelings and experiences learned along the way?

The Importance of Connecting with Others

   As you may probably know by now, one of my favorite hobbies is reading. Business, personal development, education, fiction, hobbies, and so on and so forth. It just depends on the state of mind, and what kind of brain fitness or food do I want to give to my brain :) That being said, I’ve started recently another great book: “Daring Greatly – How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, by Brene Brown. In one of the book’s pages, you can find a great idea which inspired me to write this article and adapted it accordingly with my own views and experiences.

   Brene Brown said very well that “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Touche! What I would like to add to this is the fact that, at least for me, it is very important the quality of those I interact and connect with, no matter the nature of the relationship. For many years I felt that by saying this, someone will misinterpret the idea behind this saying. Or that maybe will judge me in a way, or…, or…, or…. And it happened. But gues what? I got to that point in life when realizing two very important things:

         1.          Those quality people that I’ve just mentioned earlier, those that give me wings to fly, help me to rise after every fall, those who inspire me, those that trigger my brain and soul in a very profound and positive way, those are the people that will never make me feel uncomfortable, unappreciated, or in any other negative state. And these are the people that I want to have by my side, no matter the distances, the odds, the disagreements we may have, the circumstances we interact in life.

         2.          Those people who judge me, who don’t have the patience to understand me, or try to drag me emotionally speaking down, who are rude and frustrated, for those people I stopped having room in my life. As I stopped trying to explain anything or to waste my energy and time with them.

   And precisely about the number 1 ( ;) ) people I want to talk in this article. Those are the people that I want to have by my side. Those people with healthy activities that influence their life and the life of those around them in a very good way. Those people that have an extraordinary inner self, that even if they had to pass to enormous struggles in life, they find the power to be an example for those around them, through understanding, forgiveness, patience, or lots of other positive feelings.

   Those people that you can recognize from miles away (if you have the power to listen to your instinct) about the impact they will have on your life in a such profound way. Those people that give you priceless moments and memories for a lifetime. Because, ultimately, it’s not about the number of people you have by your side, but about the impact they have in your life. Constructive or destructive, that’s your choice! And you will be the one to live with the consequences of your choices.

   And yes, along the way I’ve learned (from life experience, and not from books :D), that people with a certain type of activities and hobbies are more likely to become extraordinary people in the detriment of others. Similar to that, another life-lesson-experience is about the words that people choose to use. Make a little game out of this and pay attention to their words, and you will receive so many details about that person, about his/her temperament and character. Have you ever heard/read from someone marvelous and outstanding transmitting or using ugly, bad, rude words?

   Coming back, I’m pretty sure every one of us had to deal with different strong life interactions. And as a natural course of nature, I believe we are built to learn also through comparison. And today, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve realized how blessed I am for having the chance to see the both sides of the coin, meaning to have met all kind of people that helped me to appreciate so much more the quality people that I have in my life. So yes, it is very important to connect with other people, but equally important is what kind of people.

   My decision? Now, no matter where and when, always with the “wow” :)

Patience, Tolerance, and Understanding

 

   Today I wanted to write about patience, tolerance, and understanding, starting from other life examples ;)  Some relative words and concepts I may say. And yet when we interact in life with different situations, we start on acknowledging the main idea behind these words very quickly. As quickly as we learn also about the opposite term of them. Mainly not having patience, nor tolerance, nor understanding. 

   I’ve realized recently, after one meeting with a friend, that, in general, is more easy to see those things that upset us in our interaction with others, but if we do a similar thing to someone else, we don’t think about the impact that our action may have on the other person. 

   Let me be more specific. We have the following two situations:

 

         -          A woman and a man, once married, now divorced, with a little baby boy. The boy stays with the mother. They have agreed on the visiting timetable, regarding the child schedule. In one of the days, he establishes a meeting between him, his ex-wife, their boy and another couple of friends, and just let his ex-wife know about the situation. The woman is very upset with her ex-husband because he didn’t consult her prior to establish that meeting with the other couple.

 

        -          The same woman, different scenario. She establishes a meeting with one of her friends. Let’s call it “Friend A”. Meanwhile, without asking her “Friend A” the opinion about also inviting to their meeting “Friend B”, she goes along and invite “Friend B” to their meeting. When the same woman from both of these life situations comes up to the meeting with “Friend A”, she just let her friend know about the situation, presuming that “Friend A” will not be upset about the arrangement.

   Now, coming back to the idea of patience, tolerance, and understanding. I just ask myself, it would not be this world a better and better place every day if, instead of jumping into conclusions, or staying more focused on the negative, to try to be more understanding? 

   I’m not saying to be taken for a full, or let for anyone else to take advantage of your kind heart, or dictate on your time. I’m just saying that, maybe, trying to make a sort of mentally exercise every time we face different life situations, that may transform us into a grumpy person (:D), just to remember that no one is perfect. And that, maybe what you claim so hard and loud that you don’t do, or what you expect from others to give you, have in mind that you should give in return. Talking about “human expectations”, in a future article ;)

   Bringing all together, understanding, forgiveness, tolerance, patience, good spirit, and kind soul is the appanage of the people with a strong emotional attitude. In the same time, don’t confuse them with other feelings that come from other corners of our soul, starting from childhood through adolescence and while becoming a grown up. 

   When was the last time you’ve put yourself in someone else shoes, and truly understand his or her emotions and feelings? :)